Are You Your Biggest Bully?

A couple of weeks ago I made a mistake. It was not a huge mistake that caused tremendous harm but merely a miscommunication that lead to a task not being done that I was responsible for. Anyone that knows me knows that I am proficient at multitasking and follow through. The mistake was out of character. Everyone that was involved helped me feel better by agreeing that it was a miscommunication and that they could see how this could happen. Everyone moved on except for me.

In fact, this event set off a series of negative self-talk where I berated myself for not having it all together. I proceeded to call myself an idiot, incompetent, and worthless as I replayed the negative event over and over in my mind. The negative self-talk and negative self-regard played over and over like a broken record throughout the day.

Later that same day I had a meeting with a colleague and she was having trouble with a difficult client and was beating herself up about how she wasn't doing a good job of managing his expectations. I jumped into my coaching mode and started to give her a fresh perspective on the issue and in the end I told her not to be so hard on herself.

After I heard myself saying those words, I immediately started to think of my own situation. I was beating myself up with non-productive negative self-talk like a bully beats up a kid on the play ground for his lunch money. This experience taught me a few things.

1. Be kind to yourself - Everyone makes mistakes and one mistake does not make you incompetent. Don't keep bullying yourself.

2. Don't replay negative events - Replaying negative events over and over again is not a productive use of your brain power and energy.

3. Move on Quickly - When a mistake is made you need to acknowledge it, learn from it and move on quickly. This resiliency is much like a football player who needs to let a bad play go because the next play is about to happen.

In the end, I am glad I made that mistake. It taught me the importance of confronting my inner bully, addressing the issue objectively and moving on quickly. These are all lessons that will serve me well in the future as I continue to grow, move forward and make lots of mistakes.

If you would like to further this discussion on how to overcome negative self-talk please join me for these sessions.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aligning-with-your-professional-passion-tickets-114556076308